The other day I was speaking to someone who felt that they were unnecessarily going thru too many storms. I started to witness about the journey I’ve been through and all of the trials and tribulations I’ve been delivered from in the last five+ years. After hearing it all, this person asked me two questions: “Do you ever think enough is enough?” and “Do you ever wonder why you?”.
Those are really two great questions. And it’s amazing how I feel now, as opposed to when the trials first began. My storms began in 2005 and haven’t really let up since. I’ve suffered tremendous losses over the past few years. And I’m still losing strong. Of my most recent trials, I’ve lost a son a few months ago and just a few weeks ago, my dear grandmother passed away also. And yes, immediately after the passing of my son I asked, “Isn’t it enough, God?” and “Why me?”.
It’s taken me some time. But I’m learning to listen more to him. I’m learning to truly get to myself in the quiet and hear the Lord speak through the study of his word. And it’s pretty clear. I was chosen because …I am in him and I am able to handle it. (Philippians 4:13) God never gives us more than we can handle. And he’s with us all the way! All that is required of us is our obedience. People often tell me, “I don’t think I could handle all that you’ve been thru.” And they’re probably right, which is why God chose me to do it. And I will.
This isn’t boasting by any means. It’s just a true acknowledgement of the things I am able to do through him. Every thing I have I received it from God. Everything I lost was given to me from God. So, I’m thankful for all of it. I had an earthly father who loved me abundantly. I had a father who wasn’t afraid to punish me when I was wrong and was able to see me make major milestones, such as graduating from college and getting married. I had a grandma for 32 years, who wasn’t afraid to speak candid to me about the birds and bees of life. I experienced the love of a grandma who would give you her last and always made room for me to visit. And while I didn’t have my son for very long, it was still such a blessing.
I would have never understood how it felt to carry life, if it weren’t for Jesus. Man had given up on me. But Jesus showed us that with him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). I was able to feel Hunter respond to my voice and calm down as I sang hymns to him at night. Without Jesus, I couldn’t have experienced it. I felt Hunter kick and swim around as I was finally ready to go to bed. (He was a night owl, like his mommy;-)) I was able to see him move on the sonograms. And I heard his heartbeat, the day he was delivered; All of which were gifts from God. I got to feel a love that I never felt before! Hunter brought us so much joy in his little time here and I’m so thankful to God for that.
I think about Job. Now, I’m in no way comparing myself to Job. I know better. But God allowed Satan to test Job. And although Satan just knew that Job would turn against God. God knew Job best. He knew that he was up for the challenge, because he knew how close Job was to him.
And God chose me for that journey! Jesus showed me a life I’d have never known and possibilities I wouldn’t have ever imagined. And I’m so, so blessed and thankful that I was chosen for every bit of it. And I’m no longer going to ask the question, “Why me?” but instead I’ll just say, “Thank you Jesus for believing and trusting me with this challenge!” And I urge you to do the same. If you’re not in Christ Jesus, why not change that today? You wouldn’t believe how much more equipped you’re able to handle life’s challenges with God, than you are without him.
God bless you.