Guilty Pleasure: Why Single Ladies’ Val Really Hit Home With Me


This week Single Ladies’ character, Valerie Stokes has been dating Jerry (the owner of an Atlanta basketball team).Val decides to host a dinner party to introduce her best friend Keisha’s boyfriend to Jerry. The dinner party for four becomes a dinner party for 10 when others insist on inviting themselves to the party. The party has a number of little quirks, when her gay friend gets drunk because his male partner doesn’t show up when he wants him to. Eventually all of her guests, leave and Jerry tries to help her clean up. She insists that he go out and watch television and when he grabs a pan he accidentally breaks a glass, making Val incredibly short patient and upset and asks Jerry to just wait in the other room.

Eventually Val comes out and explains to Jerry that she’s had a system. And Jerry makes a very valid assumption….Val is a sole nurturer. She spends so much time taking care of everyone else, that she doesn’t appreciate nor take the time to allow others to take care of her. And by the end, he shows her how to be taken care of…

Just a very short time ago, this was me. Reflecting on most of my relationships, I know that I fall into this category, as well. I’m great at taking care of others needs and I don’t really feel validated without doing so. I’ve always struggled in my relationships, because I too never knew how to relax and let the men in my life show me love and affection. I always thought that it made me look weak. But thankfully, I’ve learned better. I understand the importance of balance in any relationship, be it co-ed or same sex (personal/friendships).

The balance is necessary for the sanity of the person who is running around trying to do it all. But it’s also necessary to allow the other person feel needed. That was the greatest issue for me in the past, a few of the men in my life told me on more than one occasion that they didn’t truly feel that I needed them for anything. They felt as if I could do it all. And they didn’t really have a place in my life. That was eye opening for me. Because I have felt in the past that I had to do it all to prove to myself that I was invincible. But the person you want to share your life with needs to know that you can be comfortable enough with them to let the wall down and be vulnerable with them. They need to know that you trust them enough to do so.

I’m learning to do this more and more. And honestly, it’s gained me the ability to meet a different pool of men. There are really good men out there who want to do what it takes to make women happy. We just have to allow ourselves the right to be vulnerable and open ourselves to finding The One.If our walls are up, how are we ever to see him anyway?

Just my Savvy Two Cents…

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