If you watched the latest episode of Single Ladies (that is if you could get thru the bad acting and focus on the storyline), you’d know that Val, who was experiencing a very happy and fulfilling relationship with Jerry, the owner of an Atlanta basketball team, gets some disturbing news from Jerry. Jerry, who’s been married 3 times, tells her he doesn’t want to marry again. He vows to fully commit himself to her for life. But he won’t do it in an official ceremony.Wow, as you can imagine Val is crushed. If you’ve seen the show from the beginning, you’d know that that’s why her boyfriend, Quinn and Val broke up. He was with her for 5 years, but didn’t want to marry her. It seems like she’s constantly going down this road. So, it’s because of that, I have realized some valuable lessons to take from it.
Lesson #1. Your friends advice isn’t always the best advice.
Keisha and April telling her to shrug it off and just be happy to “Be” with him. I don’t know about y’all. But for that brief moment, it seemed that Keisha and April were elevating Jerry to a higher status than Val. Although Jerry is romantic, that statement seemed to make me believe that they thought Jerry was the big prize at the end. But if they knew their friend, they’d understand that being under the covenant, and not just any “relationship” significantly matters to her. I’ve known women, who were in similar situations but the men were adamant about not being married. And they chose to move on without those men. Some of them actually found better men, who were eager to marry them. Others realized that there were things about themselves that needed to be dealt with, before they married and counted the experience a learning one. So, all wasn’t lost.
Lesson #2. Men won’t disclose all of their intentions until after they’ve gotten the goodies.
Now, Jerry clearly is a man who’s been around the block a time or two. And I’m almost certain that he knew what Val’s hopes for a serious relationship would result in. Come on, Jerry? How many women has he been with that didn’t want a marriage? And if that had worked out…would you still be with Val? So, I think it was pretty slick of him to not share his take on marriage until after they’ve had sex and she’s wrapped up in him. Which brings me to my next lesson…
Lesson #3. Sex clouds judgement, particularly for women.
I realize there’s a reason that God intends sex to be enjoyed only within the confines of marriage. Because outside of it, it causes grief and added brain fog. We’ve all been there. Once we give ourselves to someone,( no matter how hard we try not to), feelings become involved. We seem to now have a vested interest in things and all good business people like to gain a return on our investments. I’m sure Val wouldn’t have wasted her time, money, or good good on Jerry, if she knew that there was no chance at marriage with him in her future.
Lesson #4. Be upfront about what’s most important to you.
Strangely enough, I find it odd that when Val thought she was pregnant, she was asking all of the men she was dating if they wanted kids. But never once mentioned how important marriage was to her early on. It’s true that one of the hardest things to do is disclose your wants, needs and desire to someone. Most of the time, it’s due to the fear that this person will leave. Because just like when you’re shopping for a home, you mentally move yourself in from the curb appeal (first visual impression) from the first day. But I believe if it’s important to you, you shouldn’t be afraid of what the result will be because of that disclosure. If getting married and having kids are important to you, you should discuss those things early in the relationship. Not 6 – 9 months later. Give what you expect in return. If that person runs, he more than likely wasn’t for you anyway. And if he/she is for you, the opportunity will present itself again and you’ll both be better for the time you’ve had apart.
Lesson #5. Where’s God?
If you want a blessed relationship/marriage, God is the source for that. I see these ladies partying it up, having lunch at each other’s houses. But I don’t ever hear them speaking of attending church with their mates. This lesson should be #1. But I decided to save the best for last. God is the answer for this entire situation. He tells us to love your neighbors as you love yourself. Instead of consulting your girlfriends/guyfriends…you should always take it to him first. His solution will always be the best.
I have to say that I’m happy that Val took a stand for what was most important to her. He’ll either rise to the occasion or she’ll be lead to someone better.
Well, that’s just my Savvy Two Cents….